"Love yourself more"
"Love yourself first, so you know what you deserve."
"Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place."
"You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first."
Hmm. A quick Pinterest search produces mounds of advice on self-love, self-care, and self-esteem. This movement is taking our culture by storm, and frankly, the advice feels good. Me first. Look at that last quote. The intention is to pour back out, just make sure I'm full first. This seems like good advice, right? At first glance, the deceit is so subtle it's easy to ignore. Because some of these statements even have some truth to them. But let's dig deeper, because this is in direct opposition to what the Bible says.
2 Timothy 3:1-2
"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy."
This verse is humbling to me. As I glance around stores and see t-shirts touting "more self love" and try to rectify it with this verse, my mind turns over. If you own one of those shirts, my point is not at all to shame you. I simply want you to re-evaluate and dig into the lies and subtle deceits you may be believing. Let's first unpack the dangerous ditches on either side of the movement.
High Self-Esteem
The goal of the movement is basically to heal low self-esteem with high self-esteem. But is that really biblical? Do we really need help loving ourselves more?
Do we really need help loving ourselves more?
Romans 12:3
"For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."
Galatians 6:3
"For if a man thinketh himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself."
The natural bent of our hearts is to think of ourselves more highly than we should! Think of children. Do any of them have to be taught to demand their own way and think of themselves more? No. How many thoughts do I have of my needs for every one thought for others needs? I'd be ashamed to find out.
Low Self-Esteem
What the self-love movement seeks to "remedy" is low self-esteem. This mindset is one I am familiar with and it's quite easy to feel like a victim. Poor me, I'm not pretty. I'm not talented. She is smarter than me. Have you ever felt your mind stuck in this exhausting loop? What many of us don't readily realize is that low self-esteem is actually rooted in pride, just as high self-esteem is! Sound crazy? Stay tuned.
Before I go further, I want to clarify that what I want for you is NOT self-loathing, doubt, and hatred. I am not suggesting that you should feel terrible about yourself. In fact, far from that. I want you to know your worth. Listen to this truth:
Psalm 139:14
"I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."
Luke 12:6-7
"Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? but even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows."
Not knowing your worth and falling into low self-esteem is limiting and dangerous. You could end up in a toxic relationship to fill a void or find yourself unable to focus on serving others because you're so distracted by your insecurities. That's no way to live.
A Better Way
The hard truth is, whether self-esteem is high or low, it's rooted in an obsession with self. A belief that either I am great and/or the best OR I deserve to be and am mourning the fact that I'm not. May I suggest a better way? C.S. Lewis says it best, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less."
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less
Truly, you are TREASURED. By the King of Kings! He calls you HIS CHILD. You have incredible value and worth in His eyes, and that is enough. But this is not a reason to love yourself more and serve yourself first. This truth should fill you with peace and rest in your heavenly position that frees you to forget yourself and better serve others. Philippians 2:3-4
"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."
That's counter-cultural stuff. But I can personally testify to the truth of this. The times when I have felt the most confident and secure are ironically the times when I am thinking of myself the least. When I am serving others and wanting their best. When I can champion them rather than myself and rejoice in their successes.
I'm no expert. I am actually quite a work in progress on having a healthy view of myself. I swing back and forth from feeling ugly and unworthy to judging others because I feel better than them faster than a cheetah chasing supper. One may even say I'm seeking to feel mediocre about myself. Nonetheless, I am learning and growing and a long way from where I was a couple years ago. The more my love for Christ and others grows, the more my view of self takes care of itself. Go figure.
Let me leave you with the verse this blog is named after. John 3:30 "He must increase, but I must decrease." You can build your life on that.
Take it further:
If you find yourself resonating with any of these mindsets, let me suggest a few books.
Struggling with comparison? Low self-esteem? Heather Holleman's Seated With Christ offered great help to me in my personal struggles with comparison and insecurity.
C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity is at the top of my to-read list and is famous for his chapter on humility.
Simply interested in learning more about this topic? Timothy Keller's The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness is an awesome quick-read on the topic! Less than $5 and only 45 pages, this little booklet packs a punch with a lot to think about and was a source of reference for me in writing this article.
How do you feel about this topic? I'd love to hear your book recommendations, thoughts, agreements, and disagreements in the comments below! If you liked this article and it made you think, it would mean the world to me for you to give it a share!
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